1.29.12

I feel as if I was constantly walking toward the edge in my sleep. One day I just opened my eyes and the first thing they saw were my feet an inch away. You know what they say about waking up a sleep walker. Don't.
Once I woke up, I was in a panic like a tired man behind the wheel of a car. My mind started spinning in a frantic attempt to walk away from the edge. That edge that had become as familiar as an old childhood friend. A lot has happened to me in the past 3 months I've been away. I've found a rebound guy, gotten over the first guy, left the rebound guy, met a new guy who plays with my emotions like it's his job, I've turned 18, said fuck it to what people think, gotten tattoos, and am desperately trying to make the most of the few months I have with him and of high school.
In one month, I will be done with the building I have spent half my teenage years in. The building I have slept in, cried in, laughed in, made lifelong friends in, made bitter enemies in, and grown in. I will be done with high school and everyone I've spent my life with. And to be honest, I'm ready. I'm ready to move on with my life and become my own person, as scary as that is.

I'm working on living my life as a free spirit. Live up to the tattoo on my wrist.
Here's a little of what you've missed.

I've realized that a best friend and a sister are one in the same.

I've reconnected with old friends, for life.

I've moved on and gotten over my first love.

I've lost a loving friend.

Those that add stress to my life, I've let go of.

I've been carefree and went with my gut.

Although I feel like I am drained of more emotions and my heart is slowly turning to stone, I'm happier than I was months ago. But I also feel less. I feel less of the good and the bad. "You can't protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness."

8.8.11

My sister and I had quite a good afternoon today. 

We spent the early day at the mall shopping for little things

then we spent hours in Barnes and Nobel 

looking at poetry, sipping our frappuccinos.

I bought two poetry books by Robert Frost and Sylvia Plath.

Erin bought a leather bound journal.

I love the bookstore.

I love Starbucks.

I want autumn.

Step inside...

Caution: you are about to enter the mind of a slightly neurotic teenage girl who's been through her version of hell and back.

But hey... let's throw caution to the wind.

That's me. I don't want to say I'm "not your average 17 year old" because I'm sure you hear that all the time from secretly insecure social butterflies or trumpet playing late bloomers. But I don't think I'm quite what you would expect. You probably wouldn't be surprised if I said I would rather stay home than go to a football game or prom. Or that I hate waking up every morning to the sound of the alarm, knowing that the only thing ahead of me that day is 6 hours surrounded by people, who the majority of which I can't stand. But trust me, I got a few things that I think you'd be surprised to hear.

Now now now, I can't go sharing like this is kindergarten all over again. A girl's got to keep a few things bottled up until the right time. You heard what happened to Pandora.